LIFE LESSONS.
a whole lot older and a whole bunch wiser
family always comes first. mamma and pappa always had to remind you to call home whenever you arrived somewhere, even if you were just going next door to play with a friend. you thought it was a pain in the ass even when you left home to attend school at la scala, but your parents knew that family was always a good support system. they needed to keep you involved with all the things going on at home and wanted to be as involved with your life as possible. Even now at the age of twenty-four, whenever you arrive at your destination, despite suffering from jetlag, you always call home to let your family know you arrived there safe and sound.
decide if you’re going to be a trusting person or not. your older brother matteo never lied to you a day in his life, even as you paddled your arms and kicked your legs frantically to stay above the water when he tossed you into the brilliant blue waters of the mediterranean. he did it because you wanted to learn how to swim just like him. when you went under the water because a wave hit you, matteo dived in to save the day. you were only five but you idolized your big brother, he could do no wrong and matteo is your superman to this very day.
sometimes we have to fall so that we can soar higher. the older boys in the dormitory at la scala teased you unmercifully because they were so jealous of how you took center stage. they laughed at you every time you made an error in position or your landing was off. with sheer determination, you returned to the studio and practiced until your feet were so callused that you could barely walk and your face was streaked with frustrated tears because you couldn't get the choreography correct. you practiced that night and every night since until you were near exhaustion. when executed the footwork perfectly and were chosen for the lead role it was the moment that you proved the doubters wrong.
life is short, every moment is precious, whether its positive or negative.. nonna maria taught you how to germinate seeds, then how to nurture them. together you planted rows of vegetables in her garden, and when you found out she was dying of cancer, you came to tend to the watering and weeding until harvest. when she passed away, you gave up on gardening, because it didn't feel right without nonna there. now as a man, you've learned to appreciate the gift of everyday life, seeing the ordinary world through the eyes of a child, full of miraculous wonder.
let your voice be heard. you let the boys in casale monferatto know that ballet was a sport and that it required physical prowess and strength. you never backed down when a few ignorant kids ganged up on you and called you soft, or wore a ballerina tutu. you may have walked away with a few bumps and bruises, but you still could walk away keeping your pride intact as they discovered no one--not even bullies-- could never extinguish your fire.
if someone can’t accept you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.. remember the time when you were away at school and caught the stomach bug on the field trip to the duomo? mamma wasn't there to care for you, but your best friend marcelo sat beside you on the bus ride home even though you reeked because you got puke all over your sneakers. then luciana, gia, graciela and marcelo took turns bringing you home made zuppa (soup) from the cafe and brought your homework to your dorm room until you got well. they always saw your potential when no one else did, and always stayed true to you.
be bold. be brave, your ballet master always told you to be eager to try new things and said your mind was like a parachute, don't be afraid to open it. one day you fought the butterflies in your belly and were the only one to raise your hand to demonstrate a perfect entrechat in the correct position for an esteemed guest at la scala, a famous russian ballerino by the name of rudolf nureyev. after the techniques class was finished and you practiced alone at the barre, he saw you and put you through the paces. he saw you had potential, and cast you in your first starring role as tadzio in a merchant of venice.
never give up. mamma told you to hold my hand alessandro, it will make the pain go away. it didn't go away quickly, but when you fell from the tree at age five, it hurt like hell until the darkness came. but you were still holding her hand. when you were in a coma for six months, and the doctors told your family to take you off the ventilator because you had massive brain damage, and a severe infection from the dirt you landed on. it almost took your life, but you rallied back to the world of the living. you are still standing to this very day, with no ill effects.
life is not about making others happy, its about sharing your happiness with others. out of the four children your parents had, mamma and pappa knew at first sight you were destined for greatness. the moment mamma saw you duplicate and execute perfectly nureyev's dancing on the television in the living room at age six with so much joy she knew you were capable of big things. when the director at the local ballet school saw you, she saw the next generation of ballet have a new face. yours.
never say goodbye. goodbyes are a forever thing, so you always say see you later. your sister sofia always told you this whenever you came home from milano on the weekends to visit by train, and had to go back to school. the first three years you didn't want to go back, you wanted to give up and work with your pappa in the orchard, or help him sell the vegetables and fruits at the marketplace in casale monferrato, but asked you to close your eyes as she hugged you and every time she said love you silly as she pushed you onto the train, and when the doors closed. she was gone.
HOW I MEASURED UP
my grades at la scala
classical dance and repertoire: A+
contemporary dance: A+
lingua inglese: C
lingua francese: B
matematica: A
scienze biologiche: B
informatica: A
pilates and floor barre: A
music history: B
dance history: A
EIGHT STARS THAT ALWAYS SHINE
they made a difference in my life
NATALIA BELLARMINE - your mamma came from torino, in the northern part of italy, where france, switzerland and italy meet at the mountainous alps. she was born the second child of seven kids, and a devoutly religious roman catholic, who wished to become a nun before she met gio, short for giacomo bellarmine. when she met the grocer from casale monferrato her destiny changed and he encouraged her to go to school to pursue her dreams of becoming a nurse. she did it successfully, and became his wife and the mother to four children, three living. you got your greenish-gold eyes from her. she will tell you the deepest wound she has was losing your twin brother gianluca at age two.
GIACOMO BELLARMINE - your pappa actually wanted to join the italian navy, and sail the ocean blue but instead carried on his dying father's wish to keep cultivating the hills near casale monferrato as a cultivar of the variety of fruits and vegetables the region was known for at the marketplace. he fulfilled that dream, and like his own mamma wished for him attended school to earn a college degree in horticulture to expand his marketplace and manage his business better. he met your mamma during a beach party, she was the pretty blonde woman from the mountains, and he fell madly in love with her. married when he was thirty, then had four children in rapid succession, and always had the time to spend with each of them. and bury one long before he should have.
MATTEO BELLARMINE - he was the first born son after a daughter and was four years old when you and your twin brother were born. he taught you both how to roll over, and to crawl, yelled at you to not touch his toys, and he even punched you and gianluca without meaning to a few times. he became your idol, your hero and your best friend. he tried in vain to grab your shirt when you toppled off the branch of pappa's olive tree and crashed to the ground. he cried inconsolably that day as you lay bleeding, your skull in broken pieces and he ran for help. you owe him your life, and wouldn't hesitate to give it. matteo is a marketing executive in paris, france now, and he applauds your efforts as a male dancer in a female dominated field.
SOFIA BELLARMINE - your big sister, and the oldest of the bellarmine clan, she was your protector and your cheering section growing up, your voice of reason when you thought about coming out of the closet to your parents, and a good listening ear. she always had your back and when you were sad, cheered you up with a funny face or a joke. she has two little rug rats of her own now, and has a husband. they all live in milan, italy. when she isn't picking up legos from her 2 and 4 year old boys, she acts as your publicist.
NONNA MARIA- your mamma's mother, your nonna. she taught you so many life lessons. she never lived that far away from you and your mamma and you'd go over to visit during the weekends to see her because she was lonely after your nonno massimo died. she came to live with your family after gianluca died and it was an instant cure for her aching heart, and the void the your twin's death left behind. nonna left you money that sits untouched in your bank account, she would have wanted you to enjoy it, but you hold onto it even though its burning a hole in your pocket. but its her last legacy, and you don't want to spend it.
MARCELO TAGLIAVIA - you met this boy at age nine when you were accepted at la scala and he became your roomie and spotter for your lifts in the advanced techniques class. he became your best friend at la scala, and your secret crush. marcelo was the one who never minded staying late in the studio to help you work on your dance routines. when you were suffering from bad headaches, he believed your ghost stories and helped you find a solution that kept you from quitting ballet. when his mother passed away he adopted your mamma instead, and marcelo came home with you on the train to casale monferrato and sleep over on the weekends and holidays. you shared a sad story about your first kiss, a boring, dry mouth peck on isabela vismara's lips because you were both curious and nervous all at the same time, but it didn't feel 'right.' so marcelo showed you how to do it, and so much more than you could imagine. you got drunk off your first bottle of ouzo with marcelo, and made out with him. you call him nicolo, because when he climaxes he sounds like a piccolo, and you took his middle name nicoli and mangled it. you still miss him terribly since graduating from la scala and want to be with him forever. you and marcelo flirt shamelessly over the phone, but you haven't told him the deep feelings you really have for him. not yet.
ISABELA VISMARA - she thinks she's been going out with you for a year and a half, maybe two years. it was never anything serious, she was a good catholic girl and she almost slept with you. almost. at some point, you fell into a relationship with her and you realized you liked one guy so much more than you let on. you thought you might still care for her that way, but when she twisted your arm to go to CCD with her and it made you feel so guilty you snuck out the back of the cathedral and sat in the car. when she mentioned marriage, the c word made you think twice. you had to break free so you told her it was over, and left her heart broken.
GIANLUCA BELLARMINE- although you were too small to remember him, you lived with him for two years and nine months, he was your identical twin, and was born five minutes before you and outweighed you by ten whole ounces. he was more adventurous, and more comical while you were content to be a follower and observe what he did. you both spoke to each other with your hands, and no one could figure out what you were saying. the day he died, mamma had set you both down for a nap, and you fell asleep, but gianluca woke up and wandered out the back door and fell into the swimming pool, where he drowned, and you couldn't understand why everyone was crying. the family thought the whole death thing was beyond the scope of your two year old mind, but you felt his loss much more than anyone ever knew, and it always feels like a piece of you is forever missing.
BITS AND BITS
one man's junk is another man's treasure
pictures/photographs. you always loved photography. since you were a little kid, you'd snap polaroids and stick them into empty books with scribbles next to them. you never grew out of it. now you like to take selfies on your iphone 5.
designer clothing and accessories, it is totally insane the amount of hair and body products in your possession on any given day. you totally need to stop primping. just stop..you collect more labels than a can of beer. dolce and gabbana=your favorite.
shoes, from salvatore ferragamo leather loafers to vans, shoes are your best friend and you have about one hundred pair in your bedroom closet. polka dot, checkered, solid, and hand-painted. the most expensive pair you own cost you almost $950 American.
playbills and programs, more often an utterly pointless pursuit. you enjoy the funny little drawings and advertisements they have scrawled on them. the one signed by nureyev is your favorite and you have it under glass.
coffee table books, your first one was an andy warhol book you purchased in a fifth avenue book store, and from that point your collection has exploded to over 20 books, and you scatter and rotate them out frequently depending on the company and whether you've traveled out of the country lately.
lladro figurines, you started collecting them at the age of fifteen when your mamma figured you were old enough to have a few of nonna maria's that she had wanted you to have after she passed away. now its an addiction, and you have fifteen figurines.
THE PARTS EQUAL THE WHOLE
organs and appendages
HANDS. you have long fingers like your pappa. you're a righty so you lift the ballerinas with that hand, and lead with the left. when you are speaking they seem to be in constant motion. you learned the secret pleasure of hand action from your roomie at la scala but that's another story..
FEET. fortunately, you have always had healthy ones, because they are your bread and butter in the ballet world. they are extremely flexible and you can jump like a kangaroo and perform exquisite jetes with your feet that other males cannot even imagine doing.
HAIR. your onyx hair is curly, and is constantly being combed, teased and sprayed with glittery gel to hold it in place for performances. you prefer to have it short, and off your neck, because when you dance, you sweat.
LIPS. so many people tell you that your smile is your best feature, which is a good thing because you have a good set of teeth. always ready to laugh at something funny, since you were young. marcelo told you your lips were perfect when he kissed you the first time...and the second and third.
EYES. you have the most expressive peridot colored eyes imaginable, and some days they shift colors that vary from blue-green to a deep blue depending on the light and time of day.
ABS. they broke the mold when the gods made you thats for certain. between 6 hour rehearsals, pilates training and performances, its not just your abs that are defined so exquisitely but the rest of your physique as well. especially that ass.
FIVE.NOSY.QUESTIONS
the things i am asked a lot
1. what languages can you speak? i speak french, spanish and i am in the process of learning english, but have a lot of trouble pronouncing things..
2. what is home like? iit is an ancient place full of beauty and history, and most of all my family whom i love and miss dearly.
3. where do you see yourself in ten years? i would like to be an artistic director for my own dance troupe that is made up of the most talented or soon to be famous dancers in the world, and we perform on the world's stages together.
4. do you drink tea or coffee? i hate the taste of coffee and since i need to stay fit for dance, i prefer hot lemon water to drink over any caffeinated drinks, but i do drink hot matcha green tea.
5. how do you like your eggs? i eat hard boiled eggs because i can pack them in a bag for a quick burst of protein.
MY.SECRET.LIFE
the stuff thats privy to me, myself and i
psychic abilities. the neurosurgeons told your parents to allow you to die because there was no detectable brain waves on the electroencephalogram, and that you were brain dead, in a vegetative state. the infection with enterobacter aerogenes sapped most of your ability to fight for your life, but your parents prayed and you came back fighting. although they found no physical or mental deficits, you had a near death experience that gave you the ability to communicate with spirits through sight, hearing, taste, touch and smell. you also can see auras around the living.
WHO AM I?
hi. my name is
ALESSANDRO: you have no real idea why your mamma and pappa named you this, because its the italian version of the greek name alexander. it just sounds nicer in Italian, and only marcelo calls you alessi.
RAFAELE: actually this name means 'god has healed' and in hebrew is spelled raphael after the archangel. it makes the most sense considering you fell from an olive tree, busted your head open and died three times before coming back to life totally healed.
BELLARMINE: this is an italian name and it means 'one with the beautiful armor' does that equate to skin as well? because you definitely have that going for you.
LYRICS.SINK.INTO.MY.BRAIN
No, I'm not afraid
No, I'm too brave
Yeah, 'cause I love you, love you
Yeah I love you, I love you
I'ma scream' it all out.."
your sister, sofia, played music every day in the house, and you remember hearing her singing this lyric time and time again until was memorized. one day, you wrote the lyrics on a piece of paper and taped it inside your dressing room, so you remember to never be afraid of a challenge.
"I'm a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky that
Hang the stars upon tonight
I, I'm a little divided
Do I stay or run away?
And leave it all behind.."
~Foo Fighters - Times Like These
the song has a striking relevance to where you are right now in your life, it's a little disturbing really. there was something that was so obvious to you, and you thought you missed your window of opportunity. a perfect explanation of the defining moment in your life where you decided to come out as a gay man to your family.
DEEPEST.REGRETS
what i regret and wish i could change
you wish that you could have stopped your brother from leaving the house that day mamma laid you both down for that nap. maybe if you had woken up and saw him in time, you could have made enough noise that she would have come running before it was too late. but it is, and it happened, and you were only two years old,. because gianluca opened the door and drowned in the pool, you live your life with a small void inside. a piece of you that is always going to be tied to him that's missing because he's no longer here.
wishing that you could tell marcelo that you want to be with him and no one else. forever. <3
a whole lot older and a whole bunch wiser
family always comes first. mamma and pappa always had to remind you to call home whenever you arrived somewhere, even if you were just going next door to play with a friend. you thought it was a pain in the ass even when you left home to attend school at la scala, but your parents knew that family was always a good support system. they needed to keep you involved with all the things going on at home and wanted to be as involved with your life as possible. Even now at the age of twenty-four, whenever you arrive at your destination, despite suffering from jetlag, you always call home to let your family know you arrived there safe and sound.
decide if you’re going to be a trusting person or not. your older brother matteo never lied to you a day in his life, even as you paddled your arms and kicked your legs frantically to stay above the water when he tossed you into the brilliant blue waters of the mediterranean. he did it because you wanted to learn how to swim just like him. when you went under the water because a wave hit you, matteo dived in to save the day. you were only five but you idolized your big brother, he could do no wrong and matteo is your superman to this very day.
sometimes we have to fall so that we can soar higher. the older boys in the dormitory at la scala teased you unmercifully because they were so jealous of how you took center stage. they laughed at you every time you made an error in position or your landing was off. with sheer determination, you returned to the studio and practiced until your feet were so callused that you could barely walk and your face was streaked with frustrated tears because you couldn't get the choreography correct. you practiced that night and every night since until you were near exhaustion. when executed the footwork perfectly and were chosen for the lead role it was the moment that you proved the doubters wrong.
life is short, every moment is precious, whether its positive or negative.. nonna maria taught you how to germinate seeds, then how to nurture them. together you planted rows of vegetables in her garden, and when you found out she was dying of cancer, you came to tend to the watering and weeding until harvest. when she passed away, you gave up on gardening, because it didn't feel right without nonna there. now as a man, you've learned to appreciate the gift of everyday life, seeing the ordinary world through the eyes of a child, full of miraculous wonder.
let your voice be heard. you let the boys in casale monferatto know that ballet was a sport and that it required physical prowess and strength. you never backed down when a few ignorant kids ganged up on you and called you soft, or wore a ballerina tutu. you may have walked away with a few bumps and bruises, but you still could walk away keeping your pride intact as they discovered no one--not even bullies-- could never extinguish your fire.
if someone can’t accept you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.. remember the time when you were away at school and caught the stomach bug on the field trip to the duomo? mamma wasn't there to care for you, but your best friend marcelo sat beside you on the bus ride home even though you reeked because you got puke all over your sneakers. then luciana, gia, graciela and marcelo took turns bringing you home made zuppa (soup) from the cafe and brought your homework to your dorm room until you got well. they always saw your potential when no one else did, and always stayed true to you.
be bold. be brave, your ballet master always told you to be eager to try new things and said your mind was like a parachute, don't be afraid to open it. one day you fought the butterflies in your belly and were the only one to raise your hand to demonstrate a perfect entrechat in the correct position for an esteemed guest at la scala, a famous russian ballerino by the name of rudolf nureyev. after the techniques class was finished and you practiced alone at the barre, he saw you and put you through the paces. he saw you had potential, and cast you in your first starring role as tadzio in a merchant of venice.
never give up. mamma told you to hold my hand alessandro, it will make the pain go away. it didn't go away quickly, but when you fell from the tree at age five, it hurt like hell until the darkness came. but you were still holding her hand. when you were in a coma for six months, and the doctors told your family to take you off the ventilator because you had massive brain damage, and a severe infection from the dirt you landed on. it almost took your life, but you rallied back to the world of the living. you are still standing to this very day, with no ill effects.
life is not about making others happy, its about sharing your happiness with others. out of the four children your parents had, mamma and pappa knew at first sight you were destined for greatness. the moment mamma saw you duplicate and execute perfectly nureyev's dancing on the television in the living room at age six with so much joy she knew you were capable of big things. when the director at the local ballet school saw you, she saw the next generation of ballet have a new face. yours.
never say goodbye. goodbyes are a forever thing, so you always say see you later. your sister sofia always told you this whenever you came home from milano on the weekends to visit by train, and had to go back to school. the first three years you didn't want to go back, you wanted to give up and work with your pappa in the orchard, or help him sell the vegetables and fruits at the marketplace in casale monferrato, but asked you to close your eyes as she hugged you and every time she said love you silly as she pushed you onto the train, and when the doors closed. she was gone.
HOW I MEASURED UP
my grades at la scala
classical dance and repertoire: A+
contemporary dance: A+
lingua inglese: C
lingua francese: B
matematica: A
scienze biologiche: B
informatica: A
pilates and floor barre: A
music history: B
dance history: A
EIGHT STARS THAT ALWAYS SHINE
they made a difference in my life
NATALIA BELLARMINE - your mamma came from torino, in the northern part of italy, where france, switzerland and italy meet at the mountainous alps. she was born the second child of seven kids, and a devoutly religious roman catholic, who wished to become a nun before she met gio, short for giacomo bellarmine. when she met the grocer from casale monferrato her destiny changed and he encouraged her to go to school to pursue her dreams of becoming a nurse. she did it successfully, and became his wife and the mother to four children, three living. you got your greenish-gold eyes from her. she will tell you the deepest wound she has was losing your twin brother gianluca at age two.
GIACOMO BELLARMINE - your pappa actually wanted to join the italian navy, and sail the ocean blue but instead carried on his dying father's wish to keep cultivating the hills near casale monferrato as a cultivar of the variety of fruits and vegetables the region was known for at the marketplace. he fulfilled that dream, and like his own mamma wished for him attended school to earn a college degree in horticulture to expand his marketplace and manage his business better. he met your mamma during a beach party, she was the pretty blonde woman from the mountains, and he fell madly in love with her. married when he was thirty, then had four children in rapid succession, and always had the time to spend with each of them. and bury one long before he should have.
MATTEO BELLARMINE - he was the first born son after a daughter and was four years old when you and your twin brother were born. he taught you both how to roll over, and to crawl, yelled at you to not touch his toys, and he even punched you and gianluca without meaning to a few times. he became your idol, your hero and your best friend. he tried in vain to grab your shirt when you toppled off the branch of pappa's olive tree and crashed to the ground. he cried inconsolably that day as you lay bleeding, your skull in broken pieces and he ran for help. you owe him your life, and wouldn't hesitate to give it. matteo is a marketing executive in paris, france now, and he applauds your efforts as a male dancer in a female dominated field.
SOFIA BELLARMINE - your big sister, and the oldest of the bellarmine clan, she was your protector and your cheering section growing up, your voice of reason when you thought about coming out of the closet to your parents, and a good listening ear. she always had your back and when you were sad, cheered you up with a funny face or a joke. she has two little rug rats of her own now, and has a husband. they all live in milan, italy. when she isn't picking up legos from her 2 and 4 year old boys, she acts as your publicist.
NONNA MARIA- your mamma's mother, your nonna. she taught you so many life lessons. she never lived that far away from you and your mamma and you'd go over to visit during the weekends to see her because she was lonely after your nonno massimo died. she came to live with your family after gianluca died and it was an instant cure for her aching heart, and the void the your twin's death left behind. nonna left you money that sits untouched in your bank account, she would have wanted you to enjoy it, but you hold onto it even though its burning a hole in your pocket. but its her last legacy, and you don't want to spend it.
MARCELO TAGLIAVIA - you met this boy at age nine when you were accepted at la scala and he became your roomie and spotter for your lifts in the advanced techniques class. he became your best friend at la scala, and your secret crush. marcelo was the one who never minded staying late in the studio to help you work on your dance routines. when you were suffering from bad headaches, he believed your ghost stories and helped you find a solution that kept you from quitting ballet. when his mother passed away he adopted your mamma instead, and marcelo came home with you on the train to casale monferrato and sleep over on the weekends and holidays. you shared a sad story about your first kiss, a boring, dry mouth peck on isabela vismara's lips because you were both curious and nervous all at the same time, but it didn't feel 'right.' so marcelo showed you how to do it, and so much more than you could imagine. you got drunk off your first bottle of ouzo with marcelo, and made out with him. you call him nicolo, because when he climaxes he sounds like a piccolo, and you took his middle name nicoli and mangled it. you still miss him terribly since graduating from la scala and want to be with him forever. you and marcelo flirt shamelessly over the phone, but you haven't told him the deep feelings you really have for him. not yet.
ISABELA VISMARA - she thinks she's been going out with you for a year and a half, maybe two years. it was never anything serious, she was a good catholic girl and she almost slept with you. almost. at some point, you fell into a relationship with her and you realized you liked one guy so much more than you let on. you thought you might still care for her that way, but when she twisted your arm to go to CCD with her and it made you feel so guilty you snuck out the back of the cathedral and sat in the car. when she mentioned marriage, the c word made you think twice. you had to break free so you told her it was over, and left her heart broken.
GIANLUCA BELLARMINE- although you were too small to remember him, you lived with him for two years and nine months, he was your identical twin, and was born five minutes before you and outweighed you by ten whole ounces. he was more adventurous, and more comical while you were content to be a follower and observe what he did. you both spoke to each other with your hands, and no one could figure out what you were saying. the day he died, mamma had set you both down for a nap, and you fell asleep, but gianluca woke up and wandered out the back door and fell into the swimming pool, where he drowned, and you couldn't understand why everyone was crying. the family thought the whole death thing was beyond the scope of your two year old mind, but you felt his loss much more than anyone ever knew, and it always feels like a piece of you is forever missing.
BITS AND BITS
one man's junk is another man's treasure
pictures/photographs. you always loved photography. since you were a little kid, you'd snap polaroids and stick them into empty books with scribbles next to them. you never grew out of it. now you like to take selfies on your iphone 5.
designer clothing and accessories, it is totally insane the amount of hair and body products in your possession on any given day. you totally need to stop primping. just stop..you collect more labels than a can of beer. dolce and gabbana=your favorite.
shoes, from salvatore ferragamo leather loafers to vans, shoes are your best friend and you have about one hundred pair in your bedroom closet. polka dot, checkered, solid, and hand-painted. the most expensive pair you own cost you almost $950 American.
playbills and programs, more often an utterly pointless pursuit. you enjoy the funny little drawings and advertisements they have scrawled on them. the one signed by nureyev is your favorite and you have it under glass.
coffee table books, your first one was an andy warhol book you purchased in a fifth avenue book store, and from that point your collection has exploded to over 20 books, and you scatter and rotate them out frequently depending on the company and whether you've traveled out of the country lately.
lladro figurines, you started collecting them at the age of fifteen when your mamma figured you were old enough to have a few of nonna maria's that she had wanted you to have after she passed away. now its an addiction, and you have fifteen figurines.
THE PARTS EQUAL THE WHOLE
organs and appendages
HANDS. you have long fingers like your pappa. you're a righty so you lift the ballerinas with that hand, and lead with the left. when you are speaking they seem to be in constant motion. you learned the secret pleasure of hand action from your roomie at la scala but that's another story..
FEET. fortunately, you have always had healthy ones, because they are your bread and butter in the ballet world. they are extremely flexible and you can jump like a kangaroo and perform exquisite jetes with your feet that other males cannot even imagine doing.
HAIR. your onyx hair is curly, and is constantly being combed, teased and sprayed with glittery gel to hold it in place for performances. you prefer to have it short, and off your neck, because when you dance, you sweat.
LIPS. so many people tell you that your smile is your best feature, which is a good thing because you have a good set of teeth. always ready to laugh at something funny, since you were young. marcelo told you your lips were perfect when he kissed you the first time...and the second and third.
EYES. you have the most expressive peridot colored eyes imaginable, and some days they shift colors that vary from blue-green to a deep blue depending on the light and time of day.
ABS. they broke the mold when the gods made you thats for certain. between 6 hour rehearsals, pilates training and performances, its not just your abs that are defined so exquisitely but the rest of your physique as well. especially that ass.
FIVE.NOSY.QUESTIONS
the things i am asked a lot
1. what languages can you speak? i speak french, spanish and i am in the process of learning english, but have a lot of trouble pronouncing things..
2. what is home like? iit is an ancient place full of beauty and history, and most of all my family whom i love and miss dearly.
3. where do you see yourself in ten years? i would like to be an artistic director for my own dance troupe that is made up of the most talented or soon to be famous dancers in the world, and we perform on the world's stages together.
4. do you drink tea or coffee? i hate the taste of coffee and since i need to stay fit for dance, i prefer hot lemon water to drink over any caffeinated drinks, but i do drink hot matcha green tea.
5. how do you like your eggs? i eat hard boiled eggs because i can pack them in a bag for a quick burst of protein.
MY.SECRET.LIFE
the stuff thats privy to me, myself and i
psychic abilities. the neurosurgeons told your parents to allow you to die because there was no detectable brain waves on the electroencephalogram, and that you were brain dead, in a vegetative state. the infection with enterobacter aerogenes sapped most of your ability to fight for your life, but your parents prayed and you came back fighting. although they found no physical or mental deficits, you had a near death experience that gave you the ability to communicate with spirits through sight, hearing, taste, touch and smell. you also can see auras around the living.
WHO AM I?
hi. my name is
ALESSANDRO: you have no real idea why your mamma and pappa named you this, because its the italian version of the greek name alexander. it just sounds nicer in Italian, and only marcelo calls you alessi.
RAFAELE: actually this name means 'god has healed' and in hebrew is spelled raphael after the archangel. it makes the most sense considering you fell from an olive tree, busted your head open and died three times before coming back to life totally healed.
BELLARMINE: this is an italian name and it means 'one with the beautiful armor' does that equate to skin as well? because you definitely have that going for you.
LYRICS.SINK.INTO.MY.BRAIN
No, I'm not afraid
No, I'm too brave
Yeah, 'cause I love you, love you
Yeah I love you, I love you
I'ma scream' it all out.."
your sister, sofia, played music every day in the house, and you remember hearing her singing this lyric time and time again until was memorized. one day, you wrote the lyrics on a piece of paper and taped it inside your dressing room, so you remember to never be afraid of a challenge.
"I'm a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky that
Hang the stars upon tonight
I, I'm a little divided
Do I stay or run away?
And leave it all behind.."
~Foo Fighters - Times Like These
the song has a striking relevance to where you are right now in your life, it's a little disturbing really. there was something that was so obvious to you, and you thought you missed your window of opportunity. a perfect explanation of the defining moment in your life where you decided to come out as a gay man to your family.
DEEPEST.REGRETS
what i regret and wish i could change
you wish that you could have stopped your brother from leaving the house that day mamma laid you both down for that nap. maybe if you had woken up and saw him in time, you could have made enough noise that she would have come running before it was too late. but it is, and it happened, and you were only two years old,. because gianluca opened the door and drowned in the pool, you live your life with a small void inside. a piece of you that is always going to be tied to him that's missing because he's no longer here.
wishing that you could tell marcelo that you want to be with him and no one else. forever. <3